One of the things my wife has said to me is to find my magic. While at the time, I found this to be a rather odd statement seeing as how I had been finding all sorts of things to make me happy, I am realizing now that the magic she was referring to was not the things that made me forget about the world or the things that I used as escapes. She was referring to the things that made me happy to be alive. Those rare things that generate ambition, drive and excitement in my life. I say rare, not because there are few things in my life that can do/mean this for me, but because they truly are magic when embraced.
I have been stomping around these last few weeks in a funk. You could say, an odious funk. While I truly appreciate the definitions of both odious and funk, combined together, they produce an obnoxious mood or an ill conceived offensive.
I am working on finding my magic. Most certainly 5 are my children, I think one might be writing, another might be art and one might be computers. The first being my family, its odd that I have neglected them for so long. I am working on my relationship with my wife, but I need to start working on my kids.
Life is never easy and often times, when you get up to one knee after being down for so long, the weight of life shifts and you may falter. Keeping balanced as you stand is the challenge. Always rising, always moving forward and staying balanced is the direction one needs to move. This is where I am now, on one knee, holding the weight of my life in the balance. Just as easily I can fall back down as I can stand tall.
As I move to get to the squatting position, I lose the job/contract I am on due to budget constraints. As I am about to falter, a call comes in for a new job/contract which pays more and covers expenses, but it’s in CA rather than the 5 hours south in Jersey. While the weight slides back and forth across my shoulders, I have two options; let it slip off and fall, or flex the muscles I have failed to use for so long to steady it.
That is when my wife steps in and places a hand in mine. Stillness. Focus. The weight steadies and I know I can do it. My wife. She is my magic. She always has been.